The word 'divorce' brings chills to many people. When you hear the word divorce, several images may build up in your mind. Usually, you'll think of two partners arguing, kids crying, court battles, or even domestic violence. But when the curtains of marriage fall, there's more underlying, to these simple thoughts crossing your mind.
At a glance, you may not even seek legal redress with the once intimate partner. Secondly, there may be positive effects when you finally call it quits. But, it depends on the angle of your perception.
From expert advice – divorce lawyers, relationship coaches, marriage counselors, so forth, there are both negative and positive effects of divorce.
Here are the surprising facts about divorce effects:
Reality shows to present divorce is some sought of drama with intense emotions. However, the reality is equivalent to death. Relationship coach Susan Trotter says, "when a divorce happens, there are many inherent losses that require a lot of time and space for grieving. "Because there is no particular way the grief happens, it's ideal knowing the best ways to help you seek support.
Reach out to professionals who will walk you through the journey. Besides, learn to associate with people having positive energy and be conscious of what you're going through. That way, your grieving process will be easy and will help you remain focused and have a positive mindset.
Unprecedented Business Transaction
The least expectation of divorcing partners is the transaction aspect. Matters of separation involves a lot of paperwork attracting some 'money' as fees in the process. Despite everything, you should always stay positive to ensure the process becomes a success. Keeping attention to this simple aspect when separating can help you have a different perspective of surviving after doing everything.
You can learn to stay healthy emotionally to ensure success in the settlement process. Focus on the business transactions and division of assets to help you have sound judgment regarding family matters. Additionally, you'll also know things worth fighting for and the ones to sweep under the carpet.
A Permanent Break
Thinking of separation is cool, but the reality of not living with a person you've been attached to for some time is harsh. You may find it difficult to untangle from the spouse – talk of the car registrations, tax documents, changing names e.t.c. It may take forever to remove your name from essential documents, making you communicate with the partner often.
But once it is complete, you'll have significant relief. Though it may carry with it tons of stress, finally, a sense of freedom will come through. You will rebuild your life whole again when you finally walk out of an abusive relationship: no more tears or sorrows but a willing soul to conquer the world.
Change in Physical and Mental Health
An unexpected divorce can cause chronic diseases, according to a 2010 study. Middle-age spouses who have been working so hard to keep the family usually fall ill when it eventually fails. Women in the middle-age category are the worst hit, according to the study, because they are prone to getting cardiovascular diseases compared to men of the same age.
Furthermore, the divorce can also ratchet the anxiety levels, which in turn deters your mental health. It doesn't have to be the sadness brought about by your spouse or loss of companionship.
The thought of divorce makes a person picture the uncertainties, which leads to a feeling of insecurity. Despite all the circumstances, your only option is to move on. Progress with your career, move out of the house, and survive on lower budgets until normalcy returns.
Loss of Friendships
Separation presents the first loss of a meaningful friendship. You may try to hold the partner, but the marriage is not viable when it's not meant to be. Besides splitting with a partner, some mutual friends also get lost.
You may not notice, but when you finally walk out, you'll never see them again in your life, more so if you've been on a couple of dates with the spouse. Your best friend may keep her husband away and distance themselves because of the split only.
On the other hand, some friends who've been missing in life can resurface to show you how to navigate divorce & bankruptcy. They might be the counselor or relationship coach to help you walk the challenging journey. Besides, you may have a lot of time to bond with friends and family who will grow to be your friends henceforth. Either way, divorce can make you lose or gain friendship.
Miss the Children
Former couples undergo a lot more, especially when the other partner is given custody of the child. The split gives tedious and daunting memories to the once happy family from the warm chants and hugging welcomes you receive when you walk home. A parent can easily fall into depression when there is no quick intervention.
It is a long term effect that needs therapy for a person to recover from it entirely. Even though there could be visits, the home feels won't be there when you visit the kid(s) wherever they are living. But as the divorce laws, occasionally, you can re-bond in outings, vacations, and school visits.
Be A Better Parent
Despite many viewing divorce on hostile grounds, the split significantly impacts parenting. Most parents after divorce do improve their skills because they need to bond. When the children come to visit, they'll try to be the best in taking care of them. From cooking the best dishes to attending favorite sports, this is the only time they have to maximally use before the kids get back to the other partner.
In case a father has been abusive when allowed to stay with the children for some time, he'll try so much to woo them back through different ways. This can make him drop bad drinking habits to stay close to his kids. No one wants to hold the name of a deadbeat dad or irresponsible mother. Therefore, once a chance comes, they'll try to do their best.
Free Time for Self Development
Marriage, at times, is a cage with limited time for one to check on one's own self. But upon a divorce, reports indicate that many divorcees claim to have found relief with a stronger sense of their own identity. From the co-parenting schedule, you'll find more time to focus on yourself, building on new dreams when the kids visit your ex.
You can take a course or find a new job which will make you a role model to the kids because of the progress. While you had to consult your spouse in making some decisions, at a glance, you can race to accomplish your goals without any distraction when separated.
However much the divorce process was chaotic, time can make a person heal. Guilt, harshness, and doubt may be the first feelings when you separate. Often after having these emotions, you'll begin to rediscover yourself by understanding your wrongdoings during the marriage.
As time goes by, if you're the cause of divorce, often most people experience guilt, making them initiate forgiveness. You can send a text message apologizing for the wrongdoings, which will, in turn, help you get relief.
Better Relationship with The Ex
While marriage has its hurdles, relationships tend to flourish after a divorce happens. You'll find that former spouses can freely talk to each other for the kids' benefit when not together. The once fierce person who could not tolerate free talks can bend to understand the other partner while co-parenting.
However, it takes time before you can develop a relationship after a split. Many people have the input of being cautious, thinking the ex might be tricking them. But with time, the friend mode does fall in place, and a smooth co-parenting begins.
Time Becomes of Essence
Divorce usually shutters many people. From starting life, moving to smaller apartments, having to foot the bills individually, and trying to find a new job. People who separate do try to use the time to build up again. You may be used to staying in a home or managing the family business, but when a split sets in, everything goes down the drain, and you have to begin from scratch.
To many, the time they have is usually essential to accomplish some goals. The less important things are no longer of the essence, and most priority is given to things that motivate a person.
You may see divorce as a bad thing, but it may turn to be a blessing in disguise. From building yourself to developing parental skills, some people improve when they separate. However, a split disorients other people's lives to a great extent. Some fall into depression, develop diseases, and may have sudden deaths.
Either way, you may not be able to save a marriage that is bound to fail. You can try to remain positive during the process to heal fully and take care of the kids. Alternatively, seek expert help when you're totally in a mess!