Preparing for an empty nest starts well before your youngest moves out. You'll have more time and space, and you'll miss having your kid around, sometimes in the same afternoon. This guide covers both sides of that change, from teaching life skills and reviewing your insurance to finding new hobbies and figuring out what your marriage looks like with the house to yourselves.
You've brought up one, two, three or maybe even more children, and now the last one is leaving home. Your emotions about this are probably all over the place. For many parents, this is a bittersweet time. They're happy to have more space and free time, and sad that their child is moving out.
It's great to see your kid become an independent adult, but it's also hard to accept that a big change in the relationship is inevitable. The pointers below can help you get ready for it, for your own sake and for your child's.
Start Planning While Your Youngest Is Still In High School
You prepared yourself to start a family, and this transition deserves the same attention. Start thinking about what you want your life to look like while your youngest child is still in high school.
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If your child is headed off to college, there will probably be a few years when they're home part of the time and away the rest, so factor that in. Think about what changes you might want to make to the house and to your lifestyle.
If you have a partner, talk about how your lives will change and what you'd like to do in the years ahead. It's still going to be tough when your kid moves out, but you'll feel less blindsided with a plan in place.
Teach Life Skills Before They Move Out
Your responsibility doesn't end the day your child leaves. Kids who have some practice with adult life before they move out have an easier time once they're on their own, and they're better equipped to make good decisions when nobody is there to check on them.
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Things that seem simple to you are often brand new to an 18-year-old. Use the time you have left at home to go through the basics together:
- Cooking: A few healthy meals they can make without looking anything up.
- Housing: How to read a lease and negotiate rental terms.
- Money: How to set a budget, pay bills on time and avoid carrying a credit card balance.
- Car care: How to spot when something needs a professional mechanic.
- Health: How to book their own doctor's appointment and use an insurance card.
Review Your Phone Plan, Health Insurance And Life Insurance
A child moving out changes the household paperwork too, so go through the accounts you share. Start with the phone plan. Decide whether your child stays on the family plan for now or takes over a line of their own, and agree on a date for that change so nobody is surprised by it.
Health insurance comes next. In the United States, young adults can generally stay on a parent's plan until they turn 26, and on job-based plans that holds whether or not they live with you. Rules vary by plan and state, so check yours. If your child is moving out of the area, also ask whether the doctors near them are in network.
You may also want to look at your life insurance. If your child is still in college, you'll probably want to hang onto your policy for a few more years. After that, consider whether you still need the same coverage if you no longer have dependents who would rely on the money. A term policy simply ends when the term runs out. If you have a permanent policy, a licensed financial professional can walk you through your options.
Start Some New Hobbies
A hands-on project can give your spare time a new focus. WoodTrick offers wooden mechanical models to assemble at home, with different themes and levels of difficulty.
You might also want a hobby that keeps you in shape. Get back into running if it's something you used to love, or try a yoga class at the gym. If neither of those appeals to you, make plans with friends whose kids have also left home and start a regular walk after dinner.
Focus On Your Relationship With Your Spouse
Raising children takes up a lot of the attention couples used to give each other. An empty nest gives you the chance to get that back, so make time for each other on purpose. Plan a weekly dinner date, or take a trip with just the two of you.
It may take some adjusting. If most of your conversations have been about the kids for 20 years, expect a few quiet dinners while you work out what else you want to talk about.
Talk To A Counselor Or Therapist If You're Struggling
A phase of life that has dominated your days for two decades is ending, and that's disruptive. The freedom of an empty nest can be exciting, but plenty of parents also feel anxious or sad.
If your emotions are affecting your ability to cope with everyday life, don't be afraid to seek mental health support. A counselor or therapist can help you work through this transition.
Plan A Family Vacation Before Your Child Leaves Home
Spending quality time together makes the transition easier, so try to plan at least one family vacation before your child leaves. It doesn't have to be a big trip. A long weekend somewhere you all enjoy still gives you time together with no chores or schedules, and these vacation photo tips can help you bring home some good pictures of it.
Once your child has left, think about taking a vacation as a couple. There's also no reason you can't each take a solo trip now and then if that's something you enjoy.
Spend Time With Them On The Last Few Days At Home
Try to take some time off work around move-out day. Those last few days go quickly, and they'll probably be filled with packing, errands and goodbyes with friends.
You don't need to plan anything elaborate. Make their favorite dinner, run the shopping errands together and leave room in the schedule for them to see their friends. An ordinary evening at home can mean more than a big send-off.
Letting Go Is Hard, And It's OK To Miss Them
Give your children space while they pack their bags and clean out their room. Hovering won't help, and it can make a stressful week more irritating for everyone involved.
You're going to miss them, and there's nothing wrong with that. Give yourself time to feel it rather than pretending everything is fine. Starting early helps here too, because the days right before your child leaves shouldn't be the first time you think about any of this.
Your Relationship With Your Child Isn't Over
Your child doesn't magically turn into an adult overnight when they turn 18 or move out of the house. Your kid will still need some support from you and may always turn to you for advice.
The trick is knowing how to offer support while still letting them be independent. Depending on your child, you may have to gently push them to make decisions and deal with problems on their own rather than texting you every time something goes wrong.
On the other hand, you may have a kid who only stays in touch when you nag them. You know your own child and your own family, and you'll eventually settle into a balance that works for everyone.
Plan The First Week After Move-Out Day
Before your child leaves, put two or three things on the calendar for the week after: a dinner out with your partner, a first session of that new hobby, and a time for a phone call with your kid that works for both of you.
The first week can be the hardest, and it's easier to get through with a few plans already made. The house will be quieter either way, and you'll be glad to have something to look forward to.
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